Oh joy, a new nuclear missile has been revealed to be Russia’s largest weapon ever and could destroy an entire area the size of France or Texas. As if 2016 wasn’t terrifying enough as it is.
Branded ‘the Satan’ (Oh OK, now we feel relaxed), this missile is believed to have a top speed of four and a half miles per second. To put it bluntly, you’d have zero chance of running to safety upon witnessing this monster heading towards you.
The first images of the super-nuke were revealed by Kremlin engineers and it is believed that Satan 2 will be rolled out by 2018. Come on, do we really need a sequel?
Experts warned that these new nuclear weapons would make the likes of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombs look like ‘popguns’ – with Putin’s arsenal having the power to “wipe out in the East Coast” with nukes on the dawn of World War 3. Gulp.
Alongside the image of the missile, a statement was released:
‘In accordance with the Decree of the Russian Government “On the State Defense Order for 2010 and the planning period 2012-2013”, the Makeyev Rocket Design Bureau was instructed to start design and development work on the Sarmat.
‘In June 2011, the Russian Ministry of Defense signed a state contract for the Sarmat’s development.
‘The prospective strategic missile system is being developed in order to create an assured and effective nuclear deterrent for Russia’s strategic forces.’
In other words, don’t f**k with Russia.